Dangerous Turkeys
(This is a continuation of “The Turkeys in My Life”. )
Human connections are one of the greatest things that anyone can experience in this life. God Himself, is relational at the core of His being. He is love.
“We know how much God loves us because we have felt his love and because we believe him when he tells us that he loves us dearly. God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.”
(I John 4:16 – The Living Bible)
He designed us to be in, depend upon, thrive on, and grow from relationships.
In WHO’S PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS? by John Townsend, he says to look at your relationships as the “delivery system” for many of the good things we need in life.
We need:
- Love
- Safety
- Grace
- Warmth
- Forgiveness
- Truth
- Encouragement
- Feedback
And so much more
Sometimes we are so used to our Turkey treating us badly, that we have forgotten what healthy relationships should bring us.
We don’t know what “normal” is (the same way a fish doesn’t know it’s wet).
In THE GIFT OF FEAR, author Gavin Debecker says a woman dies every four hours in the United States at the hands of a boyfriend or spouse.
4 Red Flags of a Potentially Abusive Relationship
Physical Violence
Being hit or pushed around physically in a relationship is bad news, and it usually doesn’t get better.
Symbolic Violence
The destruction of objects to intimidate the other person. Tearing up wedding photos or a wedding gown.
Fast-Paced Relationships
When the pace is accelerated in the beginning of the relationship that tells you something. It is a control strategy.
Persistence
If he won’t take no for an answer, it’s not because he’s smitten. “Anybody who doesn’t hear the word no is trying to control you, “ DeBecker says.
“Persistence does not mean you are special. Persistence means he is troubled.”
DeBecker has developed a potentially lifesaving tool called MOSAIC. This online assessment is free and protects the user’s identity.
Anyone – the victim or concerned loved ones – can log onto the website and answer 46 questions to determine how much of a threat an abuser poses to an individual or family. MOSAIC gives results on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most likely to escalate – including homicide.
Check back soon for:
A Vision for Change – Speaking the Truth to Someone Who’s Hurt You
What has your experience been? Do you have any other red flags to add to the list?
This is such a valuable and helpful post. I appreciate all of the resources you include. I love Cloud and Townsend books! I have used them to develop better boundaries in my life. This was by far my favorite line: “Persistence does not mean you are special. Persistence means he is troubled.” That is so key in any toxic relationship….domestic, romantic, friendship, etc. I took a peek at another post…love how you grade the turkeys. I think all teens should have to be taught this kind of thing in school. Very important life skills, and often the low-self-esteem kids end up taking this kind of abuse before they realize it’s abuse. Thank you so much!
Thanks Bonnie! I love Townsend and Cloud too! Henry Cloud’s Boundaries books have really helped me with the “turkeys” in my life. And it’s so true – I felt less like a victim when I finally learned this stuff.
I’m going to share this – what a valuable post, explanation and resource. xo
Thanks for sharing! I hope it can help somebody in a tough situation.
Oooh! The point about a fast-paced relationship is SO true. When you are in that situation, swept up in something that is moving too fast to think and seems to take over every minute of your day, it is hard to see clearly or find the way out off the ride.